where's the justice

I'm devastated. As if it isn't bad enough that my Grandfather has had Althzimers for the past ten years, has lost his pride by having his children change every diaper, lost his independence the day we took away his keys, lost his thrill for adventure when we took away his skis, and now today look what was taken away!

His ability to eat, walk, swallow, hug, and worst of all TALK

He is so head strong, but still that sweet spirit

He is fighting with all he has

A smile, only this day it feels so different

His smile is even a reminder of how fallen this earth is

He has lost a lot of his facial control

It pulls to the side and he doesn't even know it

All he knows is something is different, it just isn't the same

He wanders around the room only with those deep brown eyes
Looking for someone or something familiar, then already forgetting who had went which way
It breaks our heart because his memory is only able to recall things from his early days

I hate this disease with everything in my being

Why wouldn't this just be enough, the enemy I forgot is lingering just waiting for the opportunity to seek the heart during attack

He drives in all of us fear, worry, pain, and doubt
Papaw wants to talk but all he can do today is moan
This is the worst when seeing he wants to get the words out
When his grandbabies talk to him on the phone

Its like I can tell what his eyes are thinking
When we are all alone just stillness and peace reside in my soul
I'm reminded of all the stories he taught me of God's goodness
For he and everything he stood for is why I'm able to let go


I remember him telling me that it isn't about the things of this world

Just look in the bible of the chosen ones of our Savior

They are the ones that had such difficult roads
Our culture lies to our hearts day in and day out


Just do the right thing, say the right words, be kind to others, and you will get the easy way out
It is all the plan of the enemy to make us feel like our situation is without hope
darkness lost in the moment of sorrow
The devil loves when we forget who is the only one that can comfort to cope



It isn't about what we have here, or how great our heath is, or what our riches are of this world

The devil loves it when we believe the lie that we can have it all, he whispers "where is your Jesus now" haha, I thought you said for he is good and came to save us all!

it is sickening how the devil can make us feel so ugly inside, undeserving of forgiveness, and frankly makes us just want to hide

Escape and run inside is all part of his plan, that is when you spit in his face, and say my God is Great, Victory he has won,when he came in my heart, for I call it like I see it, and You Lucificer have lied.

The promise of my eternity is how I persevere, he makes himself known to me, letting me feel one little brush of his stroke, he fills me with joy that cannot be explained, non-believers cannot understand because that is what sets me and them apart

They see what my wonderful papaw has done with his life, never turning his back on someone in need
They ask “how if there was a God he sure isn't good indeed,
What a joke your religion is, what an injustice is what one might ask
Why would he let such a good man of faith and character suffer,
while others who live a life full of sin, have no health problems or pain and hide behide the world's mask
the mask that material things is happiness, who needs their family all together, we aren't praising and none are struggling with this disease

Is it just hit or miss the luck of the draw
I'm asked do u really believe there is something greater, a one all knowing God.”
Then I look into my one place, that is full of life so rich and raw
It says I should have no fear, my Lord is my shield and rod

He protects and I can lie in green pasture is what I can still hear my Papaw whispering in my ear
I will reflect on how many lives will never be the same because of what he did with his precious gift
It can't be explained why he loved worshiping his one and only Savior
I remember his hands lifting o so high

I can hear still hear the passion in his voice as he tells me the stories and says
"now this is the last time for tonight" and I would grin knowing I could at least probably get a few more in
Daniel in the Lions Den, Jonah and the Well over and over Papaw reflected to me God's protection


And now he sits in bed in Critical Care unable to speak, eat, walk, or spit

He now has fever, and sometimes looks at me like this might be the end,
He is in pain but can't say it, a mountain I can't climb, God please heal the damage and infection
We come to you as your little one, I bow on my knees before your throne
Surrounded by so many others tonight in love with you Jesus

You came here not because you had to but because that what you knew u had to do
So I could now be forgiven of all my wrongs
Yet our world says “why believe in Jesus, he wouldn't let the world be what it is now”
That’s when you just pray for those that don't know him, for mercy and grace is how



Unjust and miserable I don't think so
It is quite the opposite in fact
I mediate on that first moment with my Savior inside those pearly gates
I know that you and Nanny will be standing there together ready for a long awaited embrace at heaven’s door
Nanny will be there waiting in that light smiling from her head to the floor



Only the walls of the place will not be so cruel and painful
Never again will you feel agony or grief
This is the promise you lived by
And why you are now getting close to seeing Jesus face to face
You didn't worry about all the whys of when tragedy was striking
You were determined to keep your faith as your ran the race





Just one stride at a time, so focused, teaching me all I needed to know
To handle this same type of life
You were wise enough to see even from the time I was a little girl
That the Holy Spirit is a gift and I never needed anything more


I love you Papaw Calvin
Is all I want to say
I don't need to hear you say word
You've said it all along, each and every way



Through all you provided and invested in my world
I will give back to you each and every day
I'm here for you now until Jesus knows his work with you here is done
Even though u can no longer speak, he is changing lives one by one


It's your turn to rest on my shoulders, I live my life because of what u have taught me even in the worst of times
I will be a testimony of his goodness, faithfulness, self control and all of the other fruits one by one
I don't need the rain to stop, I built by house upon the foundation until my work here is done

Rest now my sweet father and don't you worry about my load
We won't endure the evil of this life very much longer sings my heart and soul
I’m resting in his promise, just now instead of it being you to wrap me in your arms so tight
I will rest in him, his purpose, he is the one now holding my hand through the flight.


When his own daughter finally became a mother to me only a few years did she do what God had asked
But Papaw always showed where he was resting, never stopped believing and praying to what the Holy Sprit called him to so deep inside
He knew his daughter, my Mom, would always come back
He taught me about how God if faithful for he is good, even on the worst of days


Its almost as though I hear you say to me, my little baby girl, now as I lay hungry, I know what it means to fully trust in him, i'm showing you what it means to not listen to the world
True joy isn't gained by a feeling off what your circumstance looks like on one given day
Ask and you shall receive is given by the Lord



So you even made it more clear, sure you went all out, not only just having stroke
But you sit there with a big grin for even though you can't pray to him now
I can hear u say without uttering a word how can we ever appreciate the gift of heaven for even some must literally starve and choke

This should answer all the world ask, don't be mad at God, I'm still making a difference, for he isn't quite done using me.