NOT HERE NOT NOW

As the rain comes down so does my tearsI was not ready for all of this, not now, not hereI miss her so much and just want her near
Her smell, her hands, the sound of her voiceNothing inside me is the same She wasn’t ready, it wasn’t her choice
It still hurts so bad day in and day outHard to believe a year has come and gone I want to run, hide, scream, and shout
First shock, deep sadness, darkness, anger, and now thisDeep down I know she didn’t have to suffer but come on.Not even a goodbye, a smile, or small kiss

So many questions yet still to askShe was the one that got me, always had my back.I wonder if anyone can see me through this mask
My kids won’t know her, not even closeI could never be who she was, but I riseBecause she let me see the value in living each day to the most
My heart literally aches, the pain so deep inside I wake up with dreams that she is still hereThen as soon as I look into the mirror I just want to run and hide
From the pain, from the loss, from the world as it is nowI feel weary and ask myself..where do I go from here?My rest lies in him, his mercy and grace, is how
I was not ready for this, not here, not now
One year later u would think I could breathe But not a minute goes by that the loss isn’t thereI’m falling apart, just look at me!
I miss who I was with her hereTrying to sort through this mess of who I’ve becomeI give it all to my savior, for I know he is near

As a child she was the one that wiped away my tears as the pain went round and round. I just want my momma back, she’s in my heart, but when I focus on the things of this world, she is just too good for the ground.

I was not ready for this, not here, not now, How do I face tomorrow without her?
My Heavenly Father, keep me afloat as the rain pours down